Tango… Untangled!

Tango… Untangled!

It takes two to tango! Tango is an intimate, social, and elegant dance… for two. Unlike salsa… an equally sexy, elegant dance set inside a social arena, tango is fierce, bold, and heavy in body contact. Both are just as intimate. But, there is a major difference between salsa and tango. In salsa, you’re expected to dance with different partners in a rotational pattern designed to keep the movement in perfect synchronicity. There’s no room for error. On the other hand, tango requires no more than two partners… mano e mano… you know, as in face-to-face. However, not all tango partners obey the rules of this dance sport. Two people who agree to tango could easily fall in love. There’s a reason for this: The intimacy of it, the sultry semaphore in the entire scheme, as the photo above indicates, becomes the driving force in molding erotic liaison between partners in this game of a dance.

Photo Credit: Nkem DenChukwu
In this photo: Actors from the Award-Winning Movie, POUND OF FLESH (2014), Ashley Starks and Curtis Von.

In the relationship of love and marriage, tango is evident. Many rules apply and designed to keep the dance on its designated track. The union between the two dancers, for its social attributes, is of a wicked sacrament… as are those other testaments between the coalition of man and woman. Only that in a marriage, they are simply wholesome, and divinely, a Holy Order. If your union is however, not quite inside the realm of Heaven… where the coition is written outside of all nuptial designs and strategies, you are still bound by certain mores to play by acceptable guidelines.

We go into relationships for individual reason(s). I don’t know about you, but I go into one hoping it would be monogamous. After all, we are all imperfect human beings living in an imperfect world. You pray and hope that your partner has common sense, is intelligent/smart, that he or she has self-love and respect, knows good hygiene… and all the other good-natured attributes of good romance to go with being totally honest and humble, compassionate, sensitive, considerate and supremely attentive. And then, wholesomely attracted to you, likes you, no… loves you, unabashedly. The icing on this union cake is that he or she listens to you without having formed an opinion prior. Oh My God! And then, he is not physically abusive and neither is she vocally obnoxious. Does he or she exist? Well… to an extent, yes.


• They have the desire to cheat. So they cheat
• Fantasy
• Partner started letting her/himself go, therefore killing the sex drive for the other
• Selfishness
• Loneliness
• Abandoned or neglected
• Lack of self-love, self-respect, self-worth, and self-control
• Dishonesty/Deceitful
• Childhood Orientation
• When trust is broken
• When the thrill in their committed relationship is gone
• Past bad experience(s)
• Unhappy in the “committed” relationship
• Nymphomania & Philandering
• Physical attraction
• Vulnerability
• Old ways (Little Black Book comes into play).
• Immaturity
• Bad habit becomes a lifestyle
• A nagging wife or a drunk husband
• Just for fun
• Retaliation
• Competition: If you can, I can too.
• Low self-esteem
• Ignorance (not worried about STDs)
• The animal instinct (in men)
• The urge to have varieties

(What’s your reason… that’s if you cheat or have ever cheated?)

What is “Playing the Field?” In my book, playing the field simply means stepping onto a platter of flesh and devouring them as they are presented. This feeding is frenzy, insatiably driven, and with no ethical or moral guidelines to decide your actions. Players in this field play to score goals… to sleep with as many women and men as are available to you. Playing the field is almost like salsa dancing because you play/dance with multiple players/dancers. Only in this case, the men and the women switching for salsa are in it for clean fun and nothing personal.


Growing up, Jide had no family structure. He was a boy raised in a home where love, affection, and kindness were not expressed, an atmosphere where substance abuse was the meal of the day, and where looking at a woman’s backside was pure joy. Jide grew up disrespecting women. He saw himself as a pimp, where he would construct his version of debauchery with the same pomp and spectacle as Don Juan. It had to be a way of life for Jide. He would start his day afloat in liquor. And on the days his bottle of Jack Daniels ran empty, he would stuff his nose with cocaine. He quickly developed a knack for disrespecting women, including those that are immediately around him… his mama included. At age 12, he was enticed, seduced to eat the forbidden fruit. Sex at that age could have damaged him, but it didn’t. The 45-year-old woman… his mother’s best friend, sat on him, figuratively speaking. She made sure the taste of the pudding never left his palate. Jide was hooked: Women, to him, couldn’t be talked about, other than as properties. He couldn’t resist this plateau; he saw an open field filled with the weaker sex and loved it. Let the adventure begin… He began to play and played the field unabashedly. His lifestyle was out of control. His mindset was indeed lethal. He became addicted to sex and drugs. He even experimented on having sex with men. To Jide, sex was like the air he was breathing… his life support he couldn’t live without. Women were things; toys he could play with and discard with ease when he was tired because he understood he could get a new toy anytime he wanted. He allowed his childhood orientation to define his personality. At age 16, one of his older sex partners, 30, got pregnant for him. Did it force him to grow up? Well, he had no responsibility whatsoever. Jide enthralled himself in being the sole ruler in this kingdom he had created for himself. He did not value his ability to become a better person, to trust himself enough, or to love himself and another human being. You see, when you lack honesty, humility, self-love and self-respect, then you have nothing to give or offer to another. Three months later, Tracey, 16, got pregnant for him. Both females had daughters for Jide. He believed he was on a roll. He kept playing, sleeping with as many as nine women each week. His libido was surging like a busted dam. To him, it was the only way he knew how to live. Fifteen years later, his daughters were grown, and men had begun to show interest in them. It was his turn to have his daughters devoured by other men, like he had done the daughters of many.

One day, a good friend of Jide made a sexual remark about his older daughter. Jide was furious. His anger went out of control. He struck his friend, badly injuring him. Jide was arrested, and he spent some time in jail. While in detention for the assault, he did some soul-searching. Being a dad didn’t tame his wayward ways. Being in prison did. It gave him the opportunity to look at life differently. He wanted to get it right this time; give his daughters the things he did not have growing up; a family structure, unconditional love, and a healthy home. He was open to change. He got into a monogamous relationship and eventually, got married. With time and experience, he understood that there’s nothing rewarding in playing the field. Having learned from his experiences over time, he started mentoring young men and women in his neighborhood, teaching them what he had learned and continued to learn.

… the story continues.

“What goes around, comes around,” right?

The number one reason people cheat is because they want to. There’s no coercion. It’s a choice.

The question is: Do you tango or salsa? ——————- Need help with substance abuse or mental health issues? In the U.S., call 800-662-HELP (4357) for the SAMHSA National Helpline.

Need help? In the U.S., callNeed help? In the U.S., call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline. 1-800-656-HOPE for the National Sexual Assault Hotline.

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